Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
