I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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