Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
