Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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