So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
