I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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