I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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