The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
