Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
