Screwed.edu
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
