I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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