my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
