I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
