I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....