your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
