I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
