Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
