Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
