Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
