Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
