Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
