they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
