so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
