i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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