I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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