So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
