You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We got so high we made milksteak
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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