i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
