I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
jump out the window naked night went bad
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
