He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just puked most of my soul out..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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