your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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