I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Operation Purity has been aborted
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
