I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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