yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
