summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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