Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
