drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
