I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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