How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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