I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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