What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
