Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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