I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
