Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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