laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
