You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
