i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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