Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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