fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
