Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
