hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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