Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
