Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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