Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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