I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
