i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
