atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
