Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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