Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
