you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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