Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
