see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize