He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
