I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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