i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
