Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
