If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
