I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
