Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
