i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
