Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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