she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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