She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
