nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
