If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
last night I used snow as a chaser
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
