Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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