I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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