He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
