My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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