I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the condom got lost in my hair
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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