I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
