I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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